The Candidate Whose Day Has Come

America is asking: Who is the Batman? What does he stand for?

• Unflinching pursuit of the enemy.
• Deliverer of violent righteous justice.
• Believes in capital punishment for rape and for wearing underwear outside your pants.
• Absolutely willing to scare, beat, and torture the vile to save the lives of the innocent - but treats the latter with great compassion.
• Hates hippies, bad folk music, and corruption.
• Believes in revitalizing the inner city through capitalism, philanthropy, and two-fisted justice.
• Wants to be left the hell alone to worship when, what, and how Batman chooses.
• Believes in protecting innocent human life from conception until he or the state puts it to death.
• If you come into his house, he wants to use any weapon he pleases against you, including ones he invented, permits be damned.
• Zionist.
• Clearly opposed to the death tax.
• Richer than God, and no, he’s not ashamed of it.

In 2008, the choice is yours. The choice is clear. Vote Batman.

“Batman would probably be for Rudy, they’re both Gotham boys after all. But I’m for him, cause unlike Rudy, Batman would drive his mistress home himself. In the freaking BATMOBILE.”